7 Things You Should Know Before Reading This Blog

This serves as my disclaimer from here till the end of time (which I have been told is next Wednesday).  I just do not want anyone to have unrealistic expectations about who I am and what is going on here.  So for the sake of utter clarity I felt the need to offer the following list.

1. My tongue is permanently sewn to my cheek.  This means please do not take anything I say seriously because I sure as hell don't. (Any statement about my lack of sincerity or concern always excludes food.  I care deeply about food...deeply.)  If you deem it appropriate to set my blog afire with your discontent, rest assured that I will not take you seriously either.
2. I adore my family, and I kid because I love.  And because they often do the most entertaining crap which I feel must be shared with the world.  I mean...laughing alone sucks, right?
3. I use words like 'Epic', 'Awesome', 'Fail', and 'Suck' like they are going out of style.  Embrace them or GTFO. (For definitions of my slang, please consult urbandictionary.com....often.)