Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Move Along, Nothing to Read Here....

I suppose I should start off this first post  by qualifying who I am and why you should read this blog.  Well, I am nobody and you should not read this blog.  Just don't.  Go outside and ride a bike...or plant something... or play with your children.  Now, if the notion of any or all of those things sound completely ridiculous, then you are in the right place.  If you are reading this -instead- of playing with your children, then I welcome you with open arms and call you family.  Pour yourself a glass of wine (it is okay if it comes from a box, I won't judge you [that's a lie, I'm totally judging you]) and let us begin this journey of self discovery.

It took a long time for me to build up the courage to start this thing.  The main reason is because I kept reading blogs like Rants from Mommyland (if you have not been there, stop and go there now... I'll wait)
 and they made me feel wholely insecure about what I had to offer the bitter parents of America. Last night, it struck me like a lightning bolt.  I know what I have to offer the blog readers out there...nothing.  But!  This is an outlet for all of the things I ramble about on Facebook (total, unapologetic FB junkie) and inundate my husband with when he returns home from work.  You know, all those little things he pretends to care about...he smiles, nods and occasionally repeats the last thing I said all the while wishing I would just shut it so he can watch more Golf TV.  It also gives me something to add to the list of things I do all day as a stay-at-home mom...it will go right after 'eat bonbons'. 

The hardest part was actually designing the blog because it forced me to decide who I am as a blogger.  More importantly (and distinctly more challenging) I had to decide what impression I wished to give others upon opening this page.  I wanted edgy, but not black fingernail and safety pin edgy.  I wanted domestic, but did not want to lull folks into a false sense of security...you know...like this was a normal, happy blog about loving children and puppies.  I thought about something feminine, but who the hell would I be kidding?  I mean... how do you visually define a blog about a mother of two, wife of one, who is a little obsessive, a lot insane, overweight, underpaid, often outraged by the most inane things, and desperately in love with food?  I mean what adequately communicates that to the unsuspecting reader? It sure is not Autumn leaves, I tell you that much.  So we end up with leaves because...it was either that or pink stripes, and I was tired.  Do not get comfortable though, because I am bound to find something that fits my personality; a blend of saucy, buttery, bitter, spicy, squishy, awful goodness.  Mmm buttery.

Are you still reading?  Wow...okay, this is awkward.  Look, let me level with you.  The best you can really hope to get from this blog is the occasional laugh, a halfway decent recipe or two, and a list of things -not- to do with you free time (your free time, your stuff, your children, your life...whatever.) Most of this space will be dedicated to my various kitchen adventures, stories about my weirdo family (names will be changed to protect the innocent), and the occasional mean spirited rant.  Please surrender your waistline and your soul if you choose to follow me, because I cook with real butter, lots of sugar, and write without shame.


  1. Sounds good to me!

    (and also - if you could be so kind as to remove the word verification system and instead use a monitoring method where you approve comments. Just a hint. I know it annoys a lot of me [me included. hehe])

    ps - I'll still read even if you don't turn it off. promise. :)

  2. Whaaaaat? You do not like squinting at a wavy word, entering it over and over only to be told that YOU ARE A FAILURE? Yeah, I have a hard time with that level of rejection too. So I changed it. :D

    I have done some knitting in my time, and have an armload of lopsided blankets and awkward gifts to show for it. I find cooking far more rewarding, but should I decide to veer back in that crafty direction, it is good to have another resource!