A friend of mine delighted my foul little heart today by posting a link on my FB page about 'that guy' and said it immediately reminded her of me. In this particular instance 'that guy' was actually a girl named 'Heather2021'. Please take a moment to follow the link and read her eloquent critique of this perfectly good recipe.
Welcome back. Let me start this rant off by saying if any one of you is this Heather2021 and this post is making you cranky, please do the following before flaming my blog.
- Remove Your Hands From the Keyboard
- Slap Yourself
- Set Your Kitchen on Fire
- Never Breed
- Slap Yourself Again
Most of all, remember that my sentiments are a direct response to your idiocy. For everyone else who is not Heather, I offer you a direct quote from my FB page...
"....I want to put "Hey Heather, you stopped cooking this recipe somewhere around the point at which you opted not to put the saffron in the saffron rice. Go write up your own recipe posting, dumb skank."
Honestly, I think what irritated me the most was not the litany of changes, it was that little cheeky comment at the end.
"My family loved it!! I'm sure you will too."
What a presumptuous bimbo. Perhaps my family would have been pissed off because I told them I was making Saffron Rice and then presented them with a plate that contained Columbian Casserole. Did you think about that when you were reinventing the wheel there, Heatho?
Secondly, how do you effectively write your own recipe, endorse it because you are clearly that awesome, and then finish it off by giving yourself 5 stars? Really? 5 stars? I wonder if she takes her kid's spelling homework, scribbles a bunch of arithmetic on it, gets out the red pen, gives herself an A and then posts it on the fridge. No, of course not, because hopefully...hopefully she has followed suggestion number 4 already.
Heather 2021, if I ever post a recipe on that site please do not enlighten me with your culinary brilliance. It will result in a hailstorm of vitriol that will immediately get me banned from AllRecipes.com for life. Everyone else? Try the Saffron Rice, it is probably amazing with saffron IN IT.
(By the way, today's post was supposed to be about making Vanilla Extract but all I could think about all day was Saffron Rice.)