Sh#t My Dad Owns... The Chopper

As you may remember, a couple of weeks ago my family and I picked a metric booty ton of Honeycrisp apples.  It seemed like a wonderful thing at the time, then we got home.  In the cold, sobering light of our dinning room I realized that we had all gone mad.  How in the hell did I expect to break down 70 pounds of apples in my lifetime?

When faced with such insurmountable odds I knew there was only one place for me to turn...my dad's kitchen.  I just knew he had some crazy gadget that was going to...oh...peel, chop, massage, and convince the apples to hop into the pot on its own.  Also, I needed an immersion blender (he has two, why? *shrug*).  What I found in those cabinets was not the apple miracle cure, but...this...

 

Some form of wicked chopping device from Willy Sin No No which would undoubtedly make all of my apple dreams come true.  Right? Right?!

Well...sorta. I mean, I can not really complain because this little guy did exactly what was advertized.  After I finished peeling my apples I slid them inside onto the proper plate, pushed down and at the end of it there were happy little apple wedges.  Unfortunately getting from A to B involved more force on my part than I wanted to expend, and being that most of my culinary adventures happen after 10pm, far more noise. It went something like this...

Place apple, check.

Pull down arm, check.

Stand up and press, check.

Preeessssssss harder.  Son of a....

BLAMO!

Sliced apples.

So, the ultimate question is...did it work?  If your measure of success is turning apples into apple parts, well this one is a winner.  Tadah!

But if it is efficiency you are after, I suggest sticking to a corer-peeler combination or?  A plain old knife.  Yeah you might knick your thumb a few times, but you'll end up with a bowl of clean, cut (slightly irregular) apples in half the time.  At least I did.

Summary: I give this upscale slap-chop three out of five bottles of Win Sauce (tm).  I would borrow it, but this baby is definitely not worth keeping...and not worth opening my purse for.  Gadget heads would like it though, with changeable plates that not only core/slice, but dice, slice and cut wedges.  I deem this useful, but not something which will redefine your culinary world.